Random Observations

Random Observations (Thanks to Jessica Minear for giving me this idea, haha.) Some of them are funny, some of them are serious.

-If you're reading a book about a disease, people will think you have said disease.

-You will always have a rough patch of skin somewhere on your body, no matter how small, that you can't get smooth no matter what.

-No one will ever understand your addiction to CNN, unless they happen to not suffer from, but enjoy, it too.

-It doesn't matter how many times you listen to "Save Me," the word "fuck" will always seem out of place. (No disrespect.)

-Every song will give you a photography or art idea.

-Even though you respect her majorly as a songwriter and an artist, you will come to the conclusion that Amy Lee seems like she can be a bitch. (The woman can't keep bandmates for shit.)

-You wouldn't believe how much great rock and metal resides in West Virginia. (Karma To Burn or Liecus, anyone?)

-Mariah Carey can take ANY song and cover it, and RUIN it. ("Bringin' On The Heartbreak" and "Don't Stop (Funkin' 4 Jamaica)" just to name a couple.)

-"The Open Door," the Evanescence album, was basically (save for just a few songs) one big complaint about Shaun Morgan. (It was still pretty good, though.)

-"The Dark Knight" really did live up to the hype. Heath Ledger's Joker made Jack Nicholson's look like a grumpy Ronald McDonald.

-FYI: I pirated that movie. I'z stealthy like that.

-If you get past the weirdness of "Handlebars," Flobots is actually a REALLY good band.

-It's just a law of nature that you will not look good in your driver's license/ID picture. What? It just is.

-Mystikal's rapping style is just a rip-off of DMX's style. Therefore, it's almost intolerable.

-It is completely OK to shave a few pounds off of your weight for your license/ID. Especially if you're a chick.

-You have to be a certain type of person to appreciate Tori Amos' music.

-Any Pink Floyd fan will HATE you for liking Staind's version of "Comfortably Numb" more than you like the orignal. Also, any fan of The Who will hate you for liking Limp Bizkit's version of "Behind Blue Eyes" more than you like the original. (Me: I like Limp Bizkit's version better though. Dave: I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that.)

-Country singers were not made to cover R&B songs.

-Sheryl Crow's songs are the most fun to sing along to. Unless they're the ones that make you break down into tears, LMAO.

-You will never understand how both you and your sisters got good singing voices since your mother, honestly, can't sing for shit.

-O.J. Simpson is the dumbest motherfucker who ever walked the face of the planet.

-A song really can save your life.

-Being tolerant and respectful of other people's beliefs is a must if you wish to survive in this world.

-Ani DiFranco is NOT a "whiney lesbian"!

-Mr. Everson wasn't like most teachers....if you fell asleep in class, he didn't let you get away with it.

-Civics is the best class you will ever take, simply because Wagner doesn't give a flying fuck if you sleep for the whole hour and a half.

-Being a "Rollin'" girl for Halloween is the easiest costume in the world to do. All you need is a pair of jeans, a wifebeater, and a red baseball cap - ta-da, you're a female Fred Durst.

-Eventually you actually get bored of dying your hair and want to see the color that's SUPPOSED to come out of the roots.

-"Thriller" by Michael Jackson (God help you if you don't know who that song is by) is the PERFECT Halloween song.

-Three years without a Big Mac results in one HELL of a Mac Attack!

-As much as one supports animal rights, well, to tell the truth, PETA is mostly a bunch of hypocritical dumbfucks. There are many other animal rights organitzations and foundations that are more worthy of my money and time.

-It's just a general rule of life that sucky songs get stuck in your head.

-Metal can only be so hard before it starts to sound like just a bunch of noise.

-Making blogs like these is a perfect way to pass time.

Posts from the bat....

My dog chewed up my glasses the other day, so my vision is very fucked up until my new ones come in sometime this week. I can see well enough to type this stuff, but trying to read that itty-bitty shit that some people use on their sites and blogs is torture. I have to go get a root canal tomorrow (remember the toothache post?) and maybe if I'm lucky my new glasses will be in tomorrow and I can just swing by there and pick them up while I'm at the dentist. (Two trips to Elkins in one week would be sort of stupid, but it will be necessary if my new glasses aren't in tomorrow.) At the very least, I think I look horrible without glasses on.

I'm currently cleaning my room and in the process, trying to find an old pair of glasses from a couple of years ago. My prescription hasn't changed much so they would do until the new ones come in. So far, no luck though. :(

I thought about doing another list, but I'd rather wait until I have my specs on to do it - that way, I'll be able to see the screen more clearly. Right now, I'm squinting and I have to hold my head at a certain angle so I can see the screen - not fun, people!

Ouch.

I have one Hell of a toothache. I'm sitting here doped up on painkillers, and I can't wait till later today when I can run to the drugstore and see if they have anything stronger than Orajel. (That shit does NOT work, at least not on this toothache.) After closely inspecting the culprit tooth, I think there may be a crack in it - therefore, I'm also going to see if the drugstore has any of that stuff you can use to temporarily cover a tooth until you can go to the dentist. (I have an appointment on the 26th of this month, so I'm going to try to tough it out until then.) The only thing that seems to help the toothache are painkillers.

It doesn't hurt at all right now, but when I'm not on any pills, it hurts so bad it makes me cry. (It takes a lot to make me cry.)

OK, so that's it....I figured I'd write about my toothache. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Let's put it this way - if I had any military secrets, I'd talk!

I always said I was gonna change the world....

Yesterday, I DID.

Voting doesn't seem to be a very big thing to some people, but to me, finally getting to make my voice heard after eighteen long years of being exposed to the news and politics 24/7 and wanting so badly to be able to vote, and FINALLY being able to - it's huge to me. Along with millions of other people, me, my tiny little self, with my tiny little voice - millions of tiny little voices, together - WE HAVE CHANGED THE WORLD.

I was speaking with my best friend in IM, Ritz (damn I love that girl!), and I heard a huge burst of cheers, looked up at the TV, and on CNN, saw, "Barack Obama Elected President,"....I could never have been prouder of the fact that the first name I ever checked on a voting machine was his, than I was at that moment.

And I have no hate for McCain, I respect him, I really do, and I have no hate for his supporters. (Except for the ones that booed during his speech in Phoenix....but that's another story, LOL.) The man ran a long, tough campaign and he's taken his loss like a man. I was glad to hear him say that he would work with our soon to be president to help reform this country and get us back on track.

And so now I end this message with these words:

"A government OF the people, BY the people, and FOR the people has not perished from the Earth."
-President-Elect Barack Obama

The "Shadow" Complex (And Why I Feel Sorry For Ashlee Simpson When I Hear This Song)

This may be a self-serving rant, but I promise it does serve some sort of (musical) purpose. Besides, it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to.

Ah, middle child syndrome. Any middle kid can understand this. One thing I hate to hear is "I understand" from someone who is NOT a middle child. If you're the oldest, don't tell us you understand. You most likely don't. If you're the baby, DEFINITELY don't tell us that you understand. You don't. I've suffered from a classic case of it for the past twelve years.

May 24, 1996, my little sister is born. I'm six years old. I say adios to my status as the baby of the house and say hello to constantly being ignored in favor of the older child's achievements and the baby's cuteness.

I hate to admit that I like the song "Shadow" by Ashlee Simpson, because to tell you the truth, I really don't think the girl can sing that well. All in all though, the song does sum up what middle child syndrome tends to feel like, even though the song wasn't written about middle child syndrome, but it basically describes it pretty well.

My older sister was the one that everyone knew would succeed one way or another. Four years older than me, she was an over-achiever, made great grades, multi-talented in both sports and music, and she was well-liked by most everyone.

My little sister has always been cute, and even at twelve, she will exploit her cuteness to get anything and everything she wants.

Then there's me. There was only one thing that made me special, and it was only because it made my family feel too shitty to ignore me too much. (Another story.) But for the most part, I was the "artsy" one, the "unique" one in a family full of people all too eager to conform. I didn't make great grades. In fact, my grades from 3rd grade to about 7th grade were downright shitty and I honestly do not know how I managed to scrape by. I'd rather sit in my room and write or sing or listen to music than do my homework, as slackerish as that may have been. I'd rather be creative than logical about things. And after about age eight, I didn't have much of a cute factor - nothing to write home about anyway.

And I spent so many years of my life living in the shadow of an over-achieving saxophonist and basketball player, in the shadow of a cute little blond who has everyone wrapped around her finger. I tried so hard to compete with them. I tried to be cute. I even went to the length of playing the saxophone in the school band so I could try to be just as good as my older sister, in at least one aspect.

Now, when I hear "Shadow" I feel sorry for Ashlee Simpson, and not only because this song depicts that maybe she suffered because of the attention given to her sister. I feel sorry for her because this song is too powerful for her voice, and you can hear her struggle to sing it. Maybe the vocal imperfections, though, add character to the song that otherwise might not be there....

When I first heard "Shadow," I was drawn to it because of the lyrics. It seemed to fit me so well. I definitely wouldn't say "everything's cool now" or that "my life is good, I've got more than anyone should," but I have finally, after so many years, become a little comfortable in my own skin. My mental one at least. I am a unique person. I am a liberal in a family full of conservatives. I have a creative mind, not a logical one. I am Sara. I am not Ashley, my older sister. I am not Elizabeth, my younger sister. I am Sara, the middle kid. The writer/singer/photographer/graphic designer. Maybe I can live with that.

(PS: It's kinda ironic....Ashlee Simpson ended up marrying Pete Wentz. I'm not an Ashlee Simpson fan, because of her vocal shortcomings, but I do like this song. But I say something is ironic because, I don't really like Ashlee Simpson, save for this song, and she married someone with whom I share a last name.)

You know you're from West Virginia when....

1) You've never met any celebrities.

2) Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

3) “Vacation" means driving through Wyatt on the way to Morgantown.

4) You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

5) You measure distance in minutes.

6) Down south to you means Kentucky.

7) You know several people who have hit a deer.

8) Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

9) You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

10) You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

11) Stores don't have bags; they have pokes.

12) They don't have shoppingcarts; they have buggies.

13) You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.

14) You've seen a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

15) You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "Where are you going to?"

16) All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable,or grain.
17) You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

18) You know what "cow! tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.

19) You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

20) Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with ice & snow.

21) You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

22) You cook green beans for hours.

23) You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

24) You don't ever park your car without setting the emergency brake.

25) The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

26) You think that deer season is a national holiday. (You mean it isn't?!?!)

27) You know which leaves make good toilet paper -- and which ones don't -- poison ivy, anyone??

28) You find 5 degrees F "a little chilly".

29) You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Road Construction.

30) You know what a real tomato is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

31) You know if another Hillbilly is from southern, central, or northern WVas soon as they open their mouth.

32) Your parents have threatened to have you sent to Pruntytown.

33) You can watch someone order a hotdog and know in what part of the state they live. - Chili AND slaw, anyone?

34) You can spell words like Allegheny, Monongalia, Monongahela, Kanawha and Hawks Nest.

35) You know how to pronounce Canaan and Gilmer.

36) You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.

37) You know at least one couple who went to Virginia or Maryland to get married.

The Problems With MySpace And Facebook....

OK, pretty much EVERYBODY I know has a MySpace AND a Facebook. But here are the things that annoy me about both sites...

1) When someone puts up a picture of themselves, and in the caption, they're like, "I'M UGLY!!!" OK, here's the deal. If you REALLY thought you were THAT ugly, you wouldn't post it on MYSPACE or FACEBOOK, now WOULD YOU??? Nice bait there, you know, fishing for compliments...but I ain't bitin'.

2) Sending out bulletins when you have new pictures. I understood doing this a while back, before MySpace installed Friend Updates on the site, and I did it every once in a while too. Now though, it's pretty much pointless because when you put new photos up, I SEE THAT YOU HAVE THEM UP ANYWAY. And if I want to take a look at them, I WILL. And if I want to go to the extent to comment on them, I WILL. I do not need a bulletin to tell me that you, in all your vanity, have new pictures up.

3) Now here's something that annoys me about Facebook, but not MySpace: FRIEND UPDATES. Friend updates on MySpace are pretty good and non-intrusive. They simply tell you when someone has a new song on their profile, or has added new pictures, or has in some way, shape, or form updated their profile. That's OK. But, on Facebook, it seems that I CAN'T EVEN TAKE A SHIT without ALL of my friends KNOWING about it. If you comment on another person's pictures, or write on someone's wall, or post on a group wall/discussion, Facebook somehow takes it all upon themselves to broadcast to the world that you have done so. WONDERFUL. Now all they need to do is put hidden cameras in my home to record my every move OFF the Facebook site, and they're ALL SET.

4) "We're sorry, an error as occurred." Facebook and MySpace BOTH have LOTS of computer techies working for them for insane amounts of money. You'd think that at least ONE of these people would know how to go in and FIX all these "errors." Oh, and on that note - I really don't think these errors get automatically reported to MySpace or Facebook's "technical groups"...I think they just go in a folder of their inboxes labeled "SHIT WE DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT."

5) Another one specifically for Facebook - and a Facebook application known as iLike. Okie dokie, I search for a song I want to put on my list. Right? I find it. BUT IT HAS NO AUDIO CLIP. What's the point of having the song on there if there is no AUDIO CLIP? I want the song on my Facebook page so I can hear it (or a part of it) anytime I want to, and so other people can hear the kind of music that I...well...iLike. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT IF THERE'S NO AUDIO CLIP? HMMM???

6) APPLICATION OVERLOAD. OK, I am admittedly guilty of this on Facebook. I have way too many apps, but I AM working on removing the ones I don't use. (I removed about five yesterday, I believe.) It's not even the fact that someone has too many applications. IT'S THE FACT THAT MANY OF THEM ARE, FOR THE MOST POINT, USELESS. OK, maybe I DO want to know what song from the '90s should be my theme, BUT MAKING AN ENTIRE APP OUT OF IT? THAT'S STUPID.

7) On the topic of apps, WHY DO ALL THE GOOD ONES GET SHUT DOWN? Facebook had an application called "PostSecret," where, yep, you guessed it, you could anonymously post secrets about yourself. I loved it, and it had a "hug" option where you could virtually "hug" people whom you felt needed one. I go to it one day so I can read some secrets (and maybe post one or two of my own) and it says it's been SHUT DOWN. Great. Just fucking great. Why was it shut down? Server costs. Well, maybe the makers of that application should stop spending money on the server costs for their OTHER, USELESS APPLICATION and apply that money to the server costs of the the application that people OBVIOUSLY USED. How's THAT for an idea, brainiacs???

8) My last pet peeve with MySpace and Facebook - for now. Yep, you guessed it. ADDICTIVENESS. Oh MySpace, oh Facebook, why must you be so FUCKING ADDICTIVE?!?! When I first got on these sites, I logged on maybe, two or three times a week - sometimes even less. Now I find myself on them both several times a day - and for what? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Seriously, in five minutes' time, are any of my friends going to do something SO WONDERFUL that I need to know about it? Most likely not. So why do you have me hooked??? Why must you pain me when I don't have new comments, messages, wall-writings, picture comments, or anything of the like? I know why. Because you, Tom Anderson, founder of MySpace, and you, Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, are SADISTS! You LIKE our pain, don't you? You love to see us tweaking for our MySpace and Facebook fix. Admit it. You know you do.

OK, I'M DONE!

[/rant]

Disturbia

The only thing that disturbs me is that Rihanna got a record deal in the first place.

But I've hashed and rehashed my hatred for the talentlessness that graces today's airwaves time and time again.

Hmmmm....

How To Castrate A Song

1) Take a really good rock song from the '80s. Preferably a ballad.
2) Take out the guitars, bass, and drums. You certainly can't castrate a song if it rocks.
3) Put in a piano....and a few other little diddies, like synth effects.
4) Now, about those vocals. When your voice can't handle very powerful belts anymore, you're gonna have to tone that shit down. Make it really airy, breathy....barely audible, let along listenable. Add a few badly performed high notes, just to try to prove that you can at least still do that.
5) Don't forget the whistle. You *must* make it sound like someone's being murdered on the toilet. Anything below the high sixth simply will not do. Shoot for a C7.
6) Now that you have it all nice and recorded, add it to your latest album. Which is sure to be a commercial failure.
7) Film a music video to it. Dress up in lots of weird jewelry, put on a boho bandana....make yourself seem kinda Earthy. Or just make yourself look like trash. Oh, and get Dave Navarro to play guitar in the video, to try to you know, amp up the rock appeal of your horrible cover. Oh, and lots of cheesy kinda-sex scenes.
8) Release your new single, and video, and watch laughter ensue from all over the world.

Anyone have any idea what song I'm talking about? If you were thinking of Mariah Carey's cover of "Bringin' On The Heartbreak" by Def Leppard, congratulations! You win a cookie!

Now this is strictly for fun. I actually don't mind Mariah's cover too much, it's just that....well, with so many rock fans out there, she should have known she couldn't take a really good ballad from the '80s, bring it into the 2000s, and expect people to jump all over it. It wasn't really a good song for her to attempt to cover. It was one ballad from the '80s that wasn't dripping with Cheese Whiz, and she took a can and just sprayed it all over, 100 times over. "Bringin' On The Heartbreak" was just better left alone, for Def Leppard and Def Leppard alone.

Def Leppard's Original Version:



Mariah Carey's Cover:

I caught a lite sneeze.

I was sitting here at my computer yesterday, writing, chugging coffee, chain-smoking, and listening to Tori Amos. Something occurred to me.

I think you have a be a certain "type" of person to appreciate Tori Amos' music. Her talents are undeniable, but she's certainly not everyone's cup of tea. She's versatile and I like to say that Tori Amos is the piano's answer to Jimi Hendrix. Jimi Hendrix had the ability to play a song back on guitar by ear after hearing it only once. Tori has that ability with the piano (which explains why she's got such amazing talent).

Tori Amos is one of the few artists that I can put on and be able to sit, chill, and listen to the music without being distracted. I can lay in bed and listen to her and not be itching to do something else - writing, reading, playing around on the computer - I don't want it if I'm listening to her. Listening to Tori's music is a hobby in and of itself, for me.

Her music is laden with metaphors. You have to have a word and/or art-driven mind to really get her music, I think. It won't make much sense to someone who must think logically 100% of the time. Everyone I know who appreciates Tori's experimental style are artists, musicians, writers, actors, all that nice stuff. Her overall sound isn't for everyone either - she's EXPERIMENTAL, so she's not going to sound like every other Joe and Jane in music. I could play it for one person and they'd completely get it, and then I could play it for another and they'd say, "This is the WEIRDEST shit I've ever heard."

I guess I'm lucky that when my friend Lanie introduced me to Tori Amos, I was one of the first types of people. I completely get it.

Lanie went "Atchoo!" and I caught a lite sneeze. (And you'd have to be a Tori fan to get that reference.)

This is the video to her song "Crucify," which is probably her most recognizable to the general public. (Tori's following is sort of cult - I know a lot of people who've never even heard of her.) This song is actually one of her more mainstream-friendly songs.

Best of the '90s and early '00s

I truly believe that the '90s and the early 2000s was the best era in music. It was a time when ALL music dominated the charts, and no one really stuck to listening to one genre. This list includes songs that were released anywhere from 1990 to 2004. Here's my personal list of the best songs this era had to offer.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) by Greenday - While this song sounds like a farewell song, saying that you had some good times but it's time to move on to another chapter in your life, this song is actually quite the contrary. This song is a big, huge, enormous FUCK YOU to whomever the song was written about. Still, I never think "Fuck you" when I hear this song. I always think of the good times and how many people in my life have moved on to another chapter in their life, or will soon be moving on, and I truly, truly hope they have the time of their life.

"Crucify" by Tori Amos - If you haven't heard this song (and it's my guess that a lot of people, at least around my age, haven't) you MUST hear it. I listened to this song the morning I went to sign the papers so I could, to put it nicely, pardon myself from my public education studies (*cough* drop out *cough*) because to me, anyway, this song truly represents the fact that we as humans torture ourselves to be good enough for the world, and this song is about finally accepting that we are human and that we don't have to "crucify" ourselves anymore.

"Hemorrhage (In My Hands)" by Fuel - I love this song for a lot of reasons. I'm sure everybody can relate to it in one way or another, though. I really can't describe what this song makes me feel, though, because it causes a lot of emotions in me. I still just think this was a great fucking song.

"Changes" by Tupac - I truly believe Tupac was one of the first people in the rap world to open eyes (and ears) the more political side of rap, and this song says it all. Everything from fighting back against the thug life and rising above it, to how (AND YES, THIS IS TRUE, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE) it seems like black people are often the target of the law, because of the stereotypes. ("Cops give a damn about negro, pull a trigga, kill a n***a, he's a HERO," anyone???) Tupac was one of the first rappers to stand up for the ghetto, but also say that things need to CHANGE. He gets a lot of props from me for that, and this song does too.

"Deliverance" by Bubba Sparxxx - I remember the first time I ever heard this song. Life sucked and it seemed like there was no way out. "No instructions when I was handed this device." You go through life just taking things in and never really knowing where you're going, you just gotta buckle up and go for the ride. The lyric seems to fit for ANYONE who's ever been in that desperate of a situation - no matter what, "One way or another I shall have deliverance."

"Stay" by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories - Lisa Loeb wrote the song that can sum up any relationship with this song. People magazine's 90s nostalgia issue said she wrote the song that summed up a generation - now, I don't think that's the case, because another song on this list will get that title from me - but she did write the song that seems to sum up a lot of things for me and many other people.

"Ray Of Light" by Madonna - This song exhibited Madonna's experimentation into the world of dance/techno music - and the ability to do it well! I can never hear this song without wanting to get up and dance, and the lyrics are amazing. The video is even better! I honestly don't believe Madonna ever released a bad song, but this is definitely one of her best songs ever!

"Wonderwall" by Oasis - Once again, another song that could sum up any relationship. This song seems to talk about a complicated relationship, or a potential relationship that some little thing stands in the way of. But, as the song says, "After all, you're my wonderwall."

"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan - First off, this woman has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. This song not only showcases her sweet, TRUE soprano voice, but it also showcases her amazing songwriting abilities. It's such a sweet song too.

"Wannabe" by the Spice Girls - Come on, did you really expect me to make a list of the best songs of the '90s & early '00s and NOT put the Spice Girls here?!?! This song launched an INTERNATIONAL PHENOMENON. This song is EXTREMELY nostalgic for me. I remember being like, seven years old and blasting my Spice Girls CD into my ears. Yes, I've come a long way, but I'll sing to a Spice Girls track ANYTIME!

"The Way I Am" by Eminem - This song completely represents Eminem, I think. After being blasted for his language and tendency to blast EVERYONE in his music, he busted back with a track of his own, basically telling the world that he doesn't CARE what you think of him, and in fact, he will agree to it.

"So Far Away" by Staind - Awww, a pretty song. :) When I was 13, this song was played on the radio, like, literally, at least five times an hour. It was one of my favorite songs from the first time I ever heard it, because it was a song about hope and being able to live with "the person that I am today". This song went on to become my number one favorite song of all time, simply because when I listen to it, it offers me hope that maybe things do turn out, no matter what.

"Fly" by Sugar Ray - This is the ultimate laid-back, have-a-good-time song. Plus, it's fun to sing along to! And yes, this song is on this list because to this day, I think Mark McGrath is HOT. ;p

"Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer - WHO DOESN'T LOVE THIS SONG?!?! This song was played on the radio so much, it's not even funny. I'm sure a lot of people got sick of it, but I never did! I know that this song is pretty much the ONLY song people will ever remember Sixpence None The Richer for, but it's such a good song - and, it's pretty too!

"Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas - Haha, I remember once I was in my grandparents' room and my Pappaw was sitting there, and I was trying to tune the radio to a station with GOOD music, and I found this song on the radio, and I was like, "I love this song!" My Pappaw was like, "I can't even understand what he's SAYING..." and I'm sitting there singing, "You got the kinda lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah, gimme your heart, make it real, or let's FORGET about it." I love Carlos Santana's music anyway, and this song is what got me into it. Plus, if I hear this song, it's 99.9% guaranteed I will get up and start dancing to it.

"It's My Life" by Bon Jovi - I'm ALL for a song about going your own way, regardless of what others think. This song is most definitely one of those songs. Everytime I hear it, I know what I have to do - pretty much just say "Fuck what the world wants, I'm going to do it my way." Even if there are mistakes made in the process, who cares? At least "I DID IT MY WAY!"

"Numb" by Linkin Park - This song completely described me at the age I was when it came out - thirteen. Twelve/thirteen-ish is when a lot of the shit that I've gotten myself into over the years started, and this song completely fits how I felt back then - and how I sometimes still do feel. This is one of Linkin Park's BEST songs, I do believe, because is sums up how so many people my age feel. We get so "tired of being what you want me to be" and we feel like "every step that I take is another mistake to you," mostly toward our parents but to society in general. This song is still up there on my list of favorite songs.

"Falls On Me" by Fuel - Who cares if my sister hates this song (and this band in general)? This is a REALLY good song. I love it. This song came out when I was 13, and I simply LOVED it from the get-go.

"For You" by Staind - This song is THE ANTHEM for basically any teenager who is screaming out for their parents to see them. Instead of digging for the answers, parents simply sit there and don't say anything. "The silence gets us nowhere," that really says a lot. The silence that exists between so many kids and their parents today is the reason that so many kids are fucked up today. There's no communication, and that's why we pull out all the stops to passive-aggressively say to our mothers and fathers, in the words of the song, "All your insults and your curses make me feel like I'm not a person, and I feel like I am nothing, but YOU MADE ME, SO DO SOMETHING!!!"

"Hero" by Chad Kroeger featuring Josey Scott - This song came out in 2003 I believe. I remember a lot of songs from that year, probably because the only thing I ever did back then was sit in my room, write, and listen to the radio. I remember hearing this song, and just loving it. The music, the lyrics, the way it was sung - everything. Definitely a good song.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana - HELLO?!?!?!?!?! What good would this list have been if it didn't include this song?! THIS IS THE SONG THAT SUMMED UP A GENERATION. Although I obviously wasn't a teen in the '90s, I know that teens in the '90s were apathetic creatures who didn't care about ANYTHING (unlike teens today, today it's considered COOL to know what's going on in the world and actually help DO SOMETHING about it) and this song was all about the carelessness, apathy, and boredom of Generation X. Gen X was pretty much, as the song says, "Oh well, whatever, nevermind..." This song, I truly believe, was the BEST song of this era.

The Songs I Really SHOULDN'T Admit To Liking....

The Songs I Really SHOULDN'T Admit To Liking

In no particular order....

"Piece Of Me" by Britney Spears

I was fifteen years old and swore off top 40 in favor of rock. A few years later, Britney (my one time idol, roughly a decade ago) goes nuts, then makes a comeback with this horribly infectious, attitude-driven, kiss-my-crazy-ass sucker punch to the whole media outlet. And I do like it.

"Ridin' Dirty" by Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone

I like it. I shouldn't, but I could definitely cruise Main Street with this going full blast. (Of course then I'd have to recover my street cred immediately thereafter by driving back down the street blasting Killswitch Engage.)

"Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee

OK, this song is awesome because it's all in Spanish, for the muthafuckin' win perras. (Bitches, for my peeps out there with no Spanish skills.) Although the girl in the background who constantly says, "Dame mas gasolina," ("Give me more gasoline/fuel") is fucking annoying as Hell.

"Emergency" by Paramore

I actually have several objections to Paramore - first and foremost the fact that they are a fucking pathetic excuse for a punk band and Hayley Williams' awesomely bad dye job. But this is actually a good song.

"Motown Philly" by Boyz II Men

This song is fucking awesome. You can't deny that shit. This song makes me wanna break out into an all-out B-girl battle. Too bad I can't breakdance.

"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis

I don't know why I really shouldn't like this song. Oh wait, yeah I do - 'cause it's fucking over-played and on every Abercrombie & Fitch girl's MySpace page. But I do love it. Oh, and I honestly can't deny this - Leona can sing.

"Salt Shaker" by the Ying Yang Twins featuring Lil Jon

This song has one Hell of a way of covering up extremely explicit sexual references in such a clever way that it gets very minimal censoring on the radio. Good job, boys.

"Like A Prayer" by Rufio

Yes, THAT "Like A Prayer." And I usually don't take to liking ANY attempt at covering any of The Queen Of Pop's songs, but Rufio punked this one out pretty fuckin' well.

"Ladies" by Sarai

A white rapper girl from upper New York who happened to get one hit on radio with "Ladies" - and gave all us other white rapper chicks someone to look up to. (That's right, I could once pull off one Hell of a freestyle.) The lyrics are somewhat....hmmmm....not mundane, just a bit cliche, perhaps? But it's actually a good song!

"Crank That" by Soulja Boy

I had this dance down-pat in December of '07, I swear. Oh, and it's catchy as Hell. (YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!)

Any Rihanna Song

I have strong objections to Rihanna because she is a prime example of someone who can't really sing but managed to pack a deal anyway and become a huge star, but her songs are catchy, I'll give her that.

"Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson

Oh shit, this song was (and still is) so fucking catchy, and I think could definitely apply to me, at least at that point in my life. Oh, and the fact that it was co-written by my all-time favorite sing, Christina Aguilera, doesn't hurt. It was intended for her album "Stripped," but was later scrapped - and Kelly ended up with it. She did one Hell of a job with it, too.

"Can't Take That Away" by Mariah Carey

This song holds a very special meaning to me. I have to give it up to Mariah - these lyrics are deep and very inspiring. Her vocal shortcomings are obvious in this song, but it is VERY good.

"The Perfect Fan" by The Backstreet Boys

A song that Brian Littrell wrote for his Mom, it always reminds me of my Grandma. She was the first person who believed in any of my talents, namely the first one, the one I have the biggest passion for - singing. She was, and always will be, The Perfect Fan.

"Untouched" by The Veronicas

They are a prime example of singers who got a record deal based solely on sex appeal, but I love this song. Argh! It's gonna be stuck in my head now....

And we'll save the most shameful for last....

"Shadow" by Ashlee Simpson

I have MASSIVE OBJECTIONS to Ashlee Simpson. First and foremost, she can't sing that well. Well, at the very least, she tries to sing with more power than what she actually has. (Hun, you're not a dramatic soprano, you're a soubrette, live with it.) I do love this song though, 'cause damn, it's just like I was when I was a kid. "Living in the shadow of someone else's dream," that was me as a kid. Maybe I still am, but who knows? Anyway, I just love to hate Ashlee Simpson....and I hate to love this song.

100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell

100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell

(Disclaimer: I don't condone 3/4 of these acts, and I wouldn't do them myself. I was just being stupid when I came up with them. But hey, if you wanna be cruel, by all means, go at it.)

1) Watch ridiculous afternoon B-movies on Comedy Central.
2) Chop up carrots.
3) Paint your fingernails.
4) Paint your toenails.
5) Paint real nails.
6) Count the hairs on your arm.
7) Make apple cider.
8) Stare into space.
9) Wonder if the Volcano Taco from Taco Bell could really make you breathe fire.
10) Think about how disgusting vitamins taste.
11) Then think about how good Flinstones vitamins taste.
12) Download No Doubt's complete discography.
13) Cuss in Spanish.
14) Put your hair in pigtails.
15) See how many cigarettes you can chain-smoke in an hour's time.
16) Text everyone in your contacts and tell them that the sky is falling.
17) See how long you can hold a musical note, vocally.
18) End every sentence you say in "meep".
19) Go outside and talk to nothing. When people ask what you're doing, tell them you're talking to your gnome friends.
20) Go to the produce section of your local grocery store and play with the fruit as if they're dolls. Extra points if you manage to get the men in white coats from Weston called on you.
21) Ride a bike to the top of Seneca Rocks....the front side.
22) Wear a lampshade on your head....while sober.
23) Tie your shoes backwards.
24) Make up stupid but believable urban legends about your town.
25) See how many people actually believe them.
26) Volunteer than ask where your paycheck is at the end of the week.
27) Go to the local museum and talk to the mummies.
28) Give your cat a bath.
29) Count how many scratches you have on your ankles after doing that.
30) Sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down when they see you.
31) Get on XBox Live and tell everyone how you made your sister cry.
32) See if you can fit into clothes you wore as an infant.
33) Call the Guinness Book of World Records if you actually manage to accomplish that feat.
34) Take a bottle of tequila with you to work. When it starts to get boring, go to the breakroom, open the coffee pot, and spice up the batch.
35) Cuss your computer when Windows Live randomly signs you back in - after you've purposely signed out.
36) Raise your hand. When your teacher or professor calls on you, say, "Oh, nothing." Do this repeatedly until you get kicked out of class.
37) Walk up to your sister and randomly slap her upside the head for something she did....five months ago.
38) Get online and put up an away message complaining about how bored you are.
39) Get online and put up an away message that makes people think you're actually away.
40) Then sit there and count how many idiots IM you regardless of the fact that you're "away".
41) Complain to God about how Jupiter has more moons than we do.
42) Try to walk on water.
43) Buy a piece of land in Ireland.
44) Mail it to a friend.
45) Walk around naked in your house....when everyone is home.
46) Find a place to surf in West Virginia.
47) Call me if you actually do find a place to surf in West Virginia.
48) Call me period.
49) Try the new Camel Crush cigarettes.
50) Make pointless YouTube videos.
51) Google random people that you know.
52) If you yield no relevant results, put in their name and the high school or college they went to.
53) Keep narrowing it down until you get something about them.
54) Then contemplate how that's just fucking weird.
55) Go to Moe's and ask the burly biker guys if they want to be your best friend.
56) Make your uncle's life a living hell.
57) Sign up to be one of the people who shoot chickens out of a cannon at airplane windshields.
58) Play records backwards to see if there are hidden messages in them.
59) Get software that allows you to play an MP3 backwards and see if there are hidden messages hidden in those, too.
60) Study genetics.
61) Attempt to install an air conditioner in your truck just like the one Larry The Cable Guy has in "Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector."
62) Download industrial and punk rock covers of Madonna's songs.
63) Hold a pen in the air, drop it, and try to catch it with the same hand.
64) Do a little dance each time you actually do catch it.
65) Howl at the moon.
66) Go up to total strangers, poke them, then run away.
67) Watch Jeopardy. Take notes.
68) Count your teeth.
69) Try to register the e-mail address loismustdie@yahoo.com.
70) Frown when you find out that it's already been registered.
71) Take apart a computer.
72) Realize that you have no clue how to put it back together again.
73) Debate politics with your cat.
74) Sing a duet with yourself.
75) Balance a potato on your nose.
76) Create random equations.
77) Solve them.
78) Go to stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
79) Marvel at how accurate they are in portraying us white folks.
80) Attempt to touch your nose with your tongue.
81) Check the weather forecast for Beckley, West Virginia. You might not know anyone in Beckley, but if you had anything better to do, you wouldn't be reading this list.
82) Talk back to the TV.
83) Buy a trip to space with Virgin Galactic.
84) Crawl around your house on your hands and knees to get a view of things from your dog's point of view.
85) Memorize the Periodic Table of Elements.
86) Buy adult diapers.
87) Award yourself a Grammy.
88) Attempt to whiten your cat's teeth.
89) Hide M&M's in your bulldog's jowls.
90) Watch channel 2. (You'd have to be from Philippi to understand this.)
91) Stand in front of a mirror with a dry-erase marker and give yourself devil horns, a Hitler moustache, etc.
92) See how long you can hold your breath.
93) Play hide and go seek....with yourself.
94) Try to say "anal seepage" without laughing.
95) Paint pop art on your walls.
96) Search for the Fountain of Youth.
97) Sneak into the bathroom while your sister is taking a shower. Pour baby oil on the floor. Watch thrills ensue.
98) Drink as much prune juice as you can, then see how long you can hold it before you shit yourself.
99) Make pointless posts to your blog.
100) Make a list of 100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell.

No Talent = Record Deal

In my first blog post, which was about things that pissed me off about music, I mentioned the fact that it seems ANYONE can get a deal these days. I'm gonna elaborate on that.

OK. Back in the day, and I mean WAYYYY back in the day, you didn't see a new artist every two minutes. My personal theory is because talent, something special that you could bring to the stage, was the key factor in whether you got signed or not. Record companies wanted people who had that "it" factor - an amazing voice, a crazy good guitarist, drummer, bassist, etc. They didn't want just any Joe who walked in off the street and sang with a mediocre voice or didn't have anything special about their playing skills on an instrument. They wanted someone who really had something to offer to the world of music.

Let me tell you how quickly the downfall of talent happened. I'm only 18 years old, and I can remember times when talent was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for making it - at least, in my eyes it was. Everyone I heard on the radio had something special.

Then the late '90s happened. Holy shit.

Up pops a whole crop of "artists" who couldn't really sing all that well, but could dance and that somehow explained their ability to entertain on stage. When I go to a concert, do you think I go to see a fucking ballet? FUCK NO. I go to hear some good music. I don't want to see people prancing around. Once upon a time, I liked this music - until I realized that it was a horribly pathetic excuse for music.

The dancing brings me to my main point. These days, it seems like record companies aren't looking for that amazing singer, or that crazy good guitarist, bassist, or drummer. They're looking for sex appeal. This concept I think was a long time cooking but starting burning alive in the late '90s when the belly-button baring, pelvic thrusting "artists" like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, Backstreet Boys, *NSync...you get the picture. (I'm not bashing Christina because she's got a VOICE. Pretty sad that her record company forced her to release her first single, even though it didn't show off her voice, because it had more - yep, you guessed it, SEX APPEAL!)

It's this shit that actually makes me sad that I'm gonna be a radio DJ. Unless I get a job at a station that plays rock or country, I'm pretty much going to be forced to feed the sex appeal bullshit to people - and they're gonna think I LIKE IT. I hear so many singers today, and they don't have anything special. Hell, most of them sound exactly alike - which is what turned me off of most top 40 music in general. Just the fact that talent wasn't needed to make a record that would sell well anymore - it actually breaks my heart. You know why? 'Cause you see so many people who are REALLY GOOD, and they aren't getting shit for their skills because there are these people who sing in the whiniest, most nasally voices imagineable and they somehow make it onto the radio, into the record store shelves, and into the ears of people who fall for it because they've got smoking bodies. Now I'm not saying good looks isn't an incentive, it is - but your looks will someday fade. Someday, you aren't going to have that chiseled body or great face. You'll get wrinkles, and your body will start to sag. Then, if you've based your career solely on your looks, you're royally FUBARed - fucked beyond all repair. If you've got true talent, that's most likely gonna last you a lifetime, and you won't have to worry. If people bought your records for your talent, then if you've still got it, they're gonna keep buying them even after you're not the hottie you once were.

Don't even get me started on instruments, 'cause I could go on all day about how a lot of today's bands don't have any distinct styles that make them great, but they sell based on the fact that girls will say, "Oh my gosh, he's so HOTTTT!" So many bands today, you can't hear their music and be able to say, "Oh, that's so and so" based solely on the distinct style.

Seriously, what happened to the days when talent was necessary to "make it"? It started with pop, and it's slowly crept out into the other genres, like rock and rap. Ohhhh, don't even get me started on rap!

My ultimate point is, the bar's being set too low. Any Tom, Dick, Harry, or Jane can get a record deal nowadays. I've heard people on the radio nowadays that I am totally convinced that they are tonedeaf - and they somehow still manage to get a hit record or two.

OK, I think I've ranted enough. You get my point. Sony, Arista, Atlantic, all you other labels out there - bring the bar back up. You wonder why people pirate music these days? BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORTH PAYING $15 FOR THE FUCKING CD ANYMORE!

It's this shit that gets me wanting to make like KoЯn and go trash a record store. Anybody in?

"Ya'll Want A Single" by KoЯn.

My Personal List Of The Top 10 Awesomely Dead Rockstars

10. Jimi Hendrix

One of the greatest guitarists ever. You know, you see a lot of musicians today who are wayyyy overrated, but not Hendrix. While his career only lasted about four years, he most definitely left a mark on music history.

9. Selena

This is just a sad story. She was just breaking into the mainstream music scene when she was shot and killed - by the president of her fanclub, nonetheless! Her legacy lives though - quite literally. After all, over 50,000 people attend the Selena Vive! concert in Houston, a tribute concert, and she's racked up quite a posthumous fortune with more than 20 post-death releases and of course, the movie, "Selena."

8. Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez

Her high-pitched rap was very recognizable, and she promoted safe sex - by wearing glasses with a condom over the left lense (hence the nickname, "Left Eye"). Her legacy truly lies though, in the fact that she was 1/3 of the most successful female R&B group of all time, TLC. Over 10,000 people attended her funeral in Atlanta - I think that says something!

7. Freddie Mercury

You wanna talk about vocal talent? Let's talk about Freddie Mercury. This man had probably one of the largest vocal ranges I've ever heard in a man. At the very least, the "We Will Rock You" stomp tends to be a staple at any middle and/or high school sporting event.

6. Frank Sinatra

Ol' Blue Eyes himself - a voice of velvet till the very end. I credit this guy hardcore. Listen to his recordings from his Rat Pack days, then to recordings from his later years - his smooth voice didn't change a bit (which is more than you can say for most of today's vocally-abusive performers). Being dead hasn't hurt his career a bit, either - his music and other things associated with his name draws in millions each year.

5. Kurt Cobain

Damn, what can I even say about Kurt Cobain? This man died way before his time. Sure, he may have been strung out on heroin half the time, but Kurt & Nirvana changed the face of music forever. They represented the shift from hair metal into the alternative rock that still dominates the airwaves today. They wrote and released the anthem of the '90s teenage generation - "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Kurt may be gone, but through millions of Nirvana fans (myself included), he lives forever.

4. John Lennon

He was a Beatle, a peace activist, and no matter what other people thought, he did his own thing. (I think his marriage to Yoko Ono is true testament to that.) His killer said that he shot Lennon with the intention to "steal his fame," but I think that was backfired on Mark Chapman - Lennon's popularity has only grown since his 1980 death. In fact, his estate earned about $22 million in 2005 alone. John Lennon has truly been cemented as a counterculture icon.

3. Tupac Shakur

Tupac was once quoted as saying that he expected to die before age 30 - talk about self-fulfilling prophecy. He was just 25 years old when he was gunned down in 1996 in Las Vegas. Oh, and you wanna talk about someone who REALLY surged in popularity after their death - at the time of his death he only had four major albums to his name. Since then, about fourteen have been released, along with the movie about his life, "Tupac: Resurrection," a biopic told in his own words from journal entries, photos, interviews, poems, and of course, the music. Tupac continues to influence his succeeding generations of rappers and hip-hop icons. With over 75 million records sold, his mark on hip-hop is etched in stone - he is recognized in The Guinness Book of World Records as the highest-selling hip-hop artist of all time.

2. Elvis Presley

How could we possibly forget the King of Rock & Roll? This is definitely one rockstar who has proved to be more successful in death than in life. Graceland draws hundreds of thousands of fans each year, there are over 500 active fan clubs and 35,000 professional impersonators...oh, and each year, the Elvis Presley name rakes in about $45 million. There is even organized religion based around this rock god - namely, the First Presleyterian Church of Elvis the Divine. Not too shabby, don't ya think?

1. Johnny Cash

This isn't based on popular opinion. This is based on MY opinion, and in my opinion, Johnny Cash is the number one awesome (not to mention dead) music icon. Think about it. A career that spanned almost 50 years, over 90 million albums sold, and thanks to a 1993 collaboration (the first of many) with Rick Rubin, a resurgence in popularity that caused a whole new crop of Cash fans. I was raised on this kind of music, and everything from the laugh-inducing "One Piece At A Time" and "A Boy Named Sue" to the gut-wrenching "Hurt," and most recently, the posthumous release "God's Gonna Cut You Down" hits a spot in me. With everything from his instantly recognizable deep voice to the black clothing to the ever-famous humble introduction - "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash," The Man In Black really cut a commanding position in music history out for himself - one that I know will be there forever.

Things About Music That Piss Me Off

OK, there are just a few things that piss me off about music and things related to it in general. A few of these actually came from Blender's "50 Worst Things To Happen To Music," but I added my own comments on those few things.

-The fact that I am the only one of my friends who knew about Fall Out Boy BEFORE "Sugar We're Goin' Down" came out. Then all of the sudden, EVERYBODY likes them. (Credit this to a Google search about my last name, tada, we come up with Pete, enter Fall Out Boy.)

-As long as you have the ability to squeak out any given note, you can get a record deal. What happened to the days when you had to have TALENT to get a deal? Are the record companies scraping the bottom of the barrel these days? (It seems so.)

-Britney Spears is still alive.

-Anyone who's in a band thinks that they're hot shit BECAUSE of that, and that's the only thing they talk about - my band, my band, my band. This doesn't include ALL people who are in bands, just the ones who somehow think that it makes them super-fucking-awesome, and this also sets aside any of my friends/acquaintances who are in bands - Doug, Chad, Amy, Ben, Roy - you're all exempt from that piece.

-Mariah Carey was not only ALLOWED to cover a Def Leppard song, but also allowed to chop the balls completely off of it. For the record, hitting a C7 (albeit well-done indeed) doesn't make it a great song, and getting Dave Navarro to play guitar on it doesn't bring it's balls back. ("Bringin' On The Heartbreak," FYI.)

-If you listen to any Top 40 station, you will hear the same song 15,000 times within a one-hour period. Oh you silly Top 40 stations, you have a wonderful way of making even the best songs tiresome after a while.

-The fact that nobody likes Nickelback anymore. They're good, and no, they weren't just trying to cash in on Dimebag's death with "Side Of A Bullet." They actually knew the guy.

-The fact that nobody appreciates rap anymore. I'm not talking about the "bling 'n bitches" rap, I'm talking about socially-concious and "this is the real world" rap. Open your eyes (and your ears). Common, Talib Kweli, Kanye West (among others) - there's some good stuff out there, you just have to look for it.

-Fake lesbians. I love Melissa Etheridge - real deal and she makes good music. t.A.T.u. on the other hand...not so much. (Although "All The Things She said" was, yes, catchy...but still...)

-Tribute albums. If you don't want your music to be violated and imitated in the most nausea-inducing manner - don't die.

-American Idol, The X Factor, etc. As if music wasn't manufactured enough. 'Nuff said.

-Self-pitying rock music. Don't get me wrong, I love me some crybaby music when I'm feeling down or pissed off about something. A few bands are excused from this because their music is just that good. But, for the most part, the whining and crying about how much your life sucks is just getting old.

-People blaming music for suicide. We've heard it too many times. A kid killed himself while listening to "Suicide Solution" by Ozzy Osbourne. A kid killed himself while listening to a recording of himself singing "Outside" by Staind. Some kid killed him/herself while listening to "Hold On" by Good Charlotte. But guess what. It wasn't Ozzy's fault a kid killed himself. It wasn't Staind's fault a kid killed himself. It wasn't GC's fault a kid killed themselves. It's the kid's fault. So lay off.

-MTV. Back in the day, MTV, or so I've heard, kicked ass. (I wasn't around when MTV first came out, hence, "so I've heard.") It was pretty much nothing but music, which was great. It was a first. Then they realized that they were so big, so powerful, and had such a fanbase that they didn't even need to play music anymore - enter Cribs, Real World, The Hills, True Life; exit all music, all the time. Video really did kill the radio star.

-The age of 27 - an age where too many were taken before their time. Robert Johnson, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison - and of course, Kurt Cobain.

-Late 1990s crappy pop music. OK, 10-year-old little girls need SOMETHING to listen to when they get their heart broken for the first time, and there WAS a time when I did listen to this shit. But you know the "formula" - get together five semi-good-looking guys, train them to do repeated pelvic thrusts in front of pre-pubescent girls and sing quite possibly the worst love songs imagineable and tada, the shittiest music imagineable on the planet.

-The whistle register. Holy shit, how much more screaming do I have to endure? I'm not talking about a singer who maybe ONCE on every album throws in a super-high note. That's OK, and I like it...and I'm not gonna lie, I like to use it too. I'm talking about - yeah, you guessed it, MARIAH CAREY. OK, I'll give this to the woman - she's got a voice. But try to listen to "Bliss" (she repeatedly sings the phrase "On and on and on and on and on..." in notes ranging from about F6 to B6) or "Emotions" (where she attacks you with a SHITLOAD of C, D, and E7s) and trust me, you WILL get a headache, and you will get it QUICK.

-While we're on the topic of the whistle register - Georgia Brown. This woman has two major offenses to her name in my book. 1) Trying to claim a G10 when any idiot knows the average human can't hear the 10th octave, so that's pretty much impossible to prove (I don't care what Guiness says), and 2) bad hair-dye jobs with the roots showing. Being able to sing a whole song in whistle without detuning doesn't make you a great singer. In fact, that flaming red hair with the roots showing is offense enough for me to not like you. Do they not have root touch-ups in Brazil? But back to the topic at hand. Yes, you are a nice whistler, but anything you sing below C6 pretty much sounds like shit. I'm not even kidding. Shakira was once told she sounds like a goat - but Georgia definitely takes that cake.

-Whitney Houston's crack addiction. Seriously, crack destroyed one of the best vocalists I ever heard. Not to mention that she sang the National Anthem better than anyone ever has and probably ever will.

-OK, this one appeared on Blender's list, but I REALLY did have it in mind BEFORE I read the list: THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER. Don't get me wrong, I'm patriotic, I love my country, all that jazz - and I truly only have ONE beef with our National Anthem - IT'S SO DAMN HARD TO SING. To sing "The Star-Spangled Banner," one must have a vocal range of at least 2 to 2.5 octaves. The average person who doesn't sing (and no, singing along to Britney Spears in the car DOES NOT count) typically only has a range of about 1.5 to 2 octaves. Hence, if you're not Whitney Houston, Brian McKnight, Myles Kennedy, Christina Aguilera, or Mariah Carey, you're most likely going to SUCK BALLS at singing this song. So you know, hats off to the 1931 U.S. Congress for picking out a song that roughly 90% of the American public isn't able to sing for shit.