Wednesday, October 1, 2008

100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell

100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell

(Disclaimer: I don't condone 3/4 of these acts, and I wouldn't do them myself. I was just being stupid when I came up with them. But hey, if you wanna be cruel, by all means, go at it.)

1) Watch ridiculous afternoon B-movies on Comedy Central.
2) Chop up carrots.
3) Paint your fingernails.
4) Paint your toenails.
5) Paint real nails.
6) Count the hairs on your arm.
7) Make apple cider.
8) Stare into space.
9) Wonder if the Volcano Taco from Taco Bell could really make you breathe fire.
10) Think about how disgusting vitamins taste.
11) Then think about how good Flinstones vitamins taste.
12) Download No Doubt's complete discography.
13) Cuss in Spanish.
14) Put your hair in pigtails.
15) See how many cigarettes you can chain-smoke in an hour's time.
16) Text everyone in your contacts and tell them that the sky is falling.
17) See how long you can hold a musical note, vocally.
18) End every sentence you say in "meep".
19) Go outside and talk to nothing. When people ask what you're doing, tell them you're talking to your gnome friends.
20) Go to the produce section of your local grocery store and play with the fruit as if they're dolls. Extra points if you manage to get the men in white coats from Weston called on you.
21) Ride a bike to the top of Seneca Rocks....the front side.
22) Wear a lampshade on your head....while sober.
23) Tie your shoes backwards.
24) Make up stupid but believable urban legends about your town.
25) See how many people actually believe them.
26) Volunteer than ask where your paycheck is at the end of the week.
27) Go to the local museum and talk to the mummies.
28) Give your cat a bath.
29) Count how many scratches you have on your ankles after doing that.
30) Sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down when they see you.
31) Get on XBox Live and tell everyone how you made your sister cry.
32) See if you can fit into clothes you wore as an infant.
33) Call the Guinness Book of World Records if you actually manage to accomplish that feat.
34) Take a bottle of tequila with you to work. When it starts to get boring, go to the breakroom, open the coffee pot, and spice up the batch.
35) Cuss your computer when Windows Live randomly signs you back in - after you've purposely signed out.
36) Raise your hand. When your teacher or professor calls on you, say, "Oh, nothing." Do this repeatedly until you get kicked out of class.
37) Walk up to your sister and randomly slap her upside the head for something she did....five months ago.
38) Get online and put up an away message complaining about how bored you are.
39) Get online and put up an away message that makes people think you're actually away.
40) Then sit there and count how many idiots IM you regardless of the fact that you're "away".
41) Complain to God about how Jupiter has more moons than we do.
42) Try to walk on water.
43) Buy a piece of land in Ireland.
44) Mail it to a friend.
45) Walk around naked in your house....when everyone is home.
46) Find a place to surf in West Virginia.
47) Call me if you actually do find a place to surf in West Virginia.
48) Call me period.
49) Try the new Camel Crush cigarettes.
50) Make pointless YouTube videos.
51) Google random people that you know.
52) If you yield no relevant results, put in their name and the high school or college they went to.
53) Keep narrowing it down until you get something about them.
54) Then contemplate how that's just fucking weird.
55) Go to Moe's and ask the burly biker guys if they want to be your best friend.
56) Make your uncle's life a living hell.
57) Sign up to be one of the people who shoot chickens out of a cannon at airplane windshields.
58) Play records backwards to see if there are hidden messages in them.
59) Get software that allows you to play an MP3 backwards and see if there are hidden messages hidden in those, too.
60) Study genetics.
61) Attempt to install an air conditioner in your truck just like the one Larry The Cable Guy has in "Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector."
62) Download industrial and punk rock covers of Madonna's songs.
63) Hold a pen in the air, drop it, and try to catch it with the same hand.
64) Do a little dance each time you actually do catch it.
65) Howl at the moon.
66) Go up to total strangers, poke them, then run away.
67) Watch Jeopardy. Take notes.
68) Count your teeth.
69) Try to register the e-mail address loismustdie@yahoo.com.
70) Frown when you find out that it's already been registered.
71) Take apart a computer.
72) Realize that you have no clue how to put it back together again.
73) Debate politics with your cat.
74) Sing a duet with yourself.
75) Balance a potato on your nose.
76) Create random equations.
77) Solve them.
78) Go to stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
79) Marvel at how accurate they are in portraying us white folks.
80) Attempt to touch your nose with your tongue.
81) Check the weather forecast for Beckley, West Virginia. You might not know anyone in Beckley, but if you had anything better to do, you wouldn't be reading this list.
82) Talk back to the TV.
83) Buy a trip to space with Virgin Galactic.
84) Crawl around your house on your hands and knees to get a view of things from your dog's point of view.
85) Memorize the Periodic Table of Elements.
86) Buy adult diapers.
87) Award yourself a Grammy.
88) Attempt to whiten your cat's teeth.
89) Hide M&M's in your bulldog's jowls.
90) Watch channel 2. (You'd have to be from Philippi to understand this.)
91) Stand in front of a mirror with a dry-erase marker and give yourself devil horns, a Hitler moustache, etc.
92) See how long you can hold your breath.
93) Play hide and go seek....with yourself.
94) Try to say "anal seepage" without laughing.
95) Paint pop art on your walls.
96) Search for the Fountain of Youth.
97) Sneak into the bathroom while your sister is taking a shower. Pour baby oil on the floor. Watch thrills ensue.
98) Drink as much prune juice as you can, then see how long you can hold it before you shit yourself.
99) Make pointless posts to your blog.
100) Make a list of 100 Things To Do When You're Bored As Hell.

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