No Talent = Record Deal

In my first blog post, which was about things that pissed me off about music, I mentioned the fact that it seems ANYONE can get a deal these days. I'm gonna elaborate on that.

OK. Back in the day, and I mean WAYYYY back in the day, you didn't see a new artist every two minutes. My personal theory is because talent, something special that you could bring to the stage, was the key factor in whether you got signed or not. Record companies wanted people who had that "it" factor - an amazing voice, a crazy good guitarist, drummer, bassist, etc. They didn't want just any Joe who walked in off the street and sang with a mediocre voice or didn't have anything special about their playing skills on an instrument. They wanted someone who really had something to offer to the world of music.

Let me tell you how quickly the downfall of talent happened. I'm only 18 years old, and I can remember times when talent was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for making it - at least, in my eyes it was. Everyone I heard on the radio had something special.

Then the late '90s happened. Holy shit.

Up pops a whole crop of "artists" who couldn't really sing all that well, but could dance and that somehow explained their ability to entertain on stage. When I go to a concert, do you think I go to see a fucking ballet? FUCK NO. I go to hear some good music. I don't want to see people prancing around. Once upon a time, I liked this music - until I realized that it was a horribly pathetic excuse for music.

The dancing brings me to my main point. These days, it seems like record companies aren't looking for that amazing singer, or that crazy good guitarist, bassist, or drummer. They're looking for sex appeal. This concept I think was a long time cooking but starting burning alive in the late '90s when the belly-button baring, pelvic thrusting "artists" like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, Backstreet Boys, *NSync...you get the picture. (I'm not bashing Christina because she's got a VOICE. Pretty sad that her record company forced her to release her first single, even though it didn't show off her voice, because it had more - yep, you guessed it, SEX APPEAL!)

It's this shit that actually makes me sad that I'm gonna be a radio DJ. Unless I get a job at a station that plays rock or country, I'm pretty much going to be forced to feed the sex appeal bullshit to people - and they're gonna think I LIKE IT. I hear so many singers today, and they don't have anything special. Hell, most of them sound exactly alike - which is what turned me off of most top 40 music in general. Just the fact that talent wasn't needed to make a record that would sell well anymore - it actually breaks my heart. You know why? 'Cause you see so many people who are REALLY GOOD, and they aren't getting shit for their skills because there are these people who sing in the whiniest, most nasally voices imagineable and they somehow make it onto the radio, into the record store shelves, and into the ears of people who fall for it because they've got smoking bodies. Now I'm not saying good looks isn't an incentive, it is - but your looks will someday fade. Someday, you aren't going to have that chiseled body or great face. You'll get wrinkles, and your body will start to sag. Then, if you've based your career solely on your looks, you're royally FUBARed - fucked beyond all repair. If you've got true talent, that's most likely gonna last you a lifetime, and you won't have to worry. If people bought your records for your talent, then if you've still got it, they're gonna keep buying them even after you're not the hottie you once were.

Don't even get me started on instruments, 'cause I could go on all day about how a lot of today's bands don't have any distinct styles that make them great, but they sell based on the fact that girls will say, "Oh my gosh, he's so HOTTTT!" So many bands today, you can't hear their music and be able to say, "Oh, that's so and so" based solely on the distinct style.

Seriously, what happened to the days when talent was necessary to "make it"? It started with pop, and it's slowly crept out into the other genres, like rock and rap. Ohhhh, don't even get me started on rap!

My ultimate point is, the bar's being set too low. Any Tom, Dick, Harry, or Jane can get a record deal nowadays. I've heard people on the radio nowadays that I am totally convinced that they are tonedeaf - and they somehow still manage to get a hit record or two.

OK, I think I've ranted enough. You get my point. Sony, Arista, Atlantic, all you other labels out there - bring the bar back up. You wonder why people pirate music these days? BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORTH PAYING $15 FOR THE FUCKING CD ANYMORE!

It's this shit that gets me wanting to make like KoЯn and go trash a record store. Anybody in?

"Ya'll Want A Single" by KoЯn.

My Personal List Of The Top 10 Awesomely Dead Rockstars

10. Jimi Hendrix

One of the greatest guitarists ever. You know, you see a lot of musicians today who are wayyyy overrated, but not Hendrix. While his career only lasted about four years, he most definitely left a mark on music history.

9. Selena

This is just a sad story. She was just breaking into the mainstream music scene when she was shot and killed - by the president of her fanclub, nonetheless! Her legacy lives though - quite literally. After all, over 50,000 people attend the Selena Vive! concert in Houston, a tribute concert, and she's racked up quite a posthumous fortune with more than 20 post-death releases and of course, the movie, "Selena."

8. Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez

Her high-pitched rap was very recognizable, and she promoted safe sex - by wearing glasses with a condom over the left lense (hence the nickname, "Left Eye"). Her legacy truly lies though, in the fact that she was 1/3 of the most successful female R&B group of all time, TLC. Over 10,000 people attended her funeral in Atlanta - I think that says something!

7. Freddie Mercury

You wanna talk about vocal talent? Let's talk about Freddie Mercury. This man had probably one of the largest vocal ranges I've ever heard in a man. At the very least, the "We Will Rock You" stomp tends to be a staple at any middle and/or high school sporting event.

6. Frank Sinatra

Ol' Blue Eyes himself - a voice of velvet till the very end. I credit this guy hardcore. Listen to his recordings from his Rat Pack days, then to recordings from his later years - his smooth voice didn't change a bit (which is more than you can say for most of today's vocally-abusive performers). Being dead hasn't hurt his career a bit, either - his music and other things associated with his name draws in millions each year.

5. Kurt Cobain

Damn, what can I even say about Kurt Cobain? This man died way before his time. Sure, he may have been strung out on heroin half the time, but Kurt & Nirvana changed the face of music forever. They represented the shift from hair metal into the alternative rock that still dominates the airwaves today. They wrote and released the anthem of the '90s teenage generation - "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Kurt may be gone, but through millions of Nirvana fans (myself included), he lives forever.

4. John Lennon

He was a Beatle, a peace activist, and no matter what other people thought, he did his own thing. (I think his marriage to Yoko Ono is true testament to that.) His killer said that he shot Lennon with the intention to "steal his fame," but I think that was backfired on Mark Chapman - Lennon's popularity has only grown since his 1980 death. In fact, his estate earned about $22 million in 2005 alone. John Lennon has truly been cemented as a counterculture icon.

3. Tupac Shakur

Tupac was once quoted as saying that he expected to die before age 30 - talk about self-fulfilling prophecy. He was just 25 years old when he was gunned down in 1996 in Las Vegas. Oh, and you wanna talk about someone who REALLY surged in popularity after their death - at the time of his death he only had four major albums to his name. Since then, about fourteen have been released, along with the movie about his life, "Tupac: Resurrection," a biopic told in his own words from journal entries, photos, interviews, poems, and of course, the music. Tupac continues to influence his succeeding generations of rappers and hip-hop icons. With over 75 million records sold, his mark on hip-hop is etched in stone - he is recognized in The Guinness Book of World Records as the highest-selling hip-hop artist of all time.

2. Elvis Presley

How could we possibly forget the King of Rock & Roll? This is definitely one rockstar who has proved to be more successful in death than in life. Graceland draws hundreds of thousands of fans each year, there are over 500 active fan clubs and 35,000 professional impersonators...oh, and each year, the Elvis Presley name rakes in about $45 million. There is even organized religion based around this rock god - namely, the First Presleyterian Church of Elvis the Divine. Not too shabby, don't ya think?

1. Johnny Cash

This isn't based on popular opinion. This is based on MY opinion, and in my opinion, Johnny Cash is the number one awesome (not to mention dead) music icon. Think about it. A career that spanned almost 50 years, over 90 million albums sold, and thanks to a 1993 collaboration (the first of many) with Rick Rubin, a resurgence in popularity that caused a whole new crop of Cash fans. I was raised on this kind of music, and everything from the laugh-inducing "One Piece At A Time" and "A Boy Named Sue" to the gut-wrenching "Hurt," and most recently, the posthumous release "God's Gonna Cut You Down" hits a spot in me. With everything from his instantly recognizable deep voice to the black clothing to the ever-famous humble introduction - "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash," The Man In Black really cut a commanding position in music history out for himself - one that I know will be there forever.

Things About Music That Piss Me Off

OK, there are just a few things that piss me off about music and things related to it in general. A few of these actually came from Blender's "50 Worst Things To Happen To Music," but I added my own comments on those few things.

-The fact that I am the only one of my friends who knew about Fall Out Boy BEFORE "Sugar We're Goin' Down" came out. Then all of the sudden, EVERYBODY likes them. (Credit this to a Google search about my last name, tada, we come up with Pete, enter Fall Out Boy.)

-As long as you have the ability to squeak out any given note, you can get a record deal. What happened to the days when you had to have TALENT to get a deal? Are the record companies scraping the bottom of the barrel these days? (It seems so.)

-Britney Spears is still alive.

-Anyone who's in a band thinks that they're hot shit BECAUSE of that, and that's the only thing they talk about - my band, my band, my band. This doesn't include ALL people who are in bands, just the ones who somehow think that it makes them super-fucking-awesome, and this also sets aside any of my friends/acquaintances who are in bands - Doug, Chad, Amy, Ben, Roy - you're all exempt from that piece.

-Mariah Carey was not only ALLOWED to cover a Def Leppard song, but also allowed to chop the balls completely off of it. For the record, hitting a C7 (albeit well-done indeed) doesn't make it a great song, and getting Dave Navarro to play guitar on it doesn't bring it's balls back. ("Bringin' On The Heartbreak," FYI.)

-If you listen to any Top 40 station, you will hear the same song 15,000 times within a one-hour period. Oh you silly Top 40 stations, you have a wonderful way of making even the best songs tiresome after a while.

-The fact that nobody likes Nickelback anymore. They're good, and no, they weren't just trying to cash in on Dimebag's death with "Side Of A Bullet." They actually knew the guy.

-The fact that nobody appreciates rap anymore. I'm not talking about the "bling 'n bitches" rap, I'm talking about socially-concious and "this is the real world" rap. Open your eyes (and your ears). Common, Talib Kweli, Kanye West (among others) - there's some good stuff out there, you just have to look for it.

-Fake lesbians. I love Melissa Etheridge - real deal and she makes good music. t.A.T.u. on the other hand...not so much. (Although "All The Things She said" was, yes, catchy...but still...)

-Tribute albums. If you don't want your music to be violated and imitated in the most nausea-inducing manner - don't die.

-American Idol, The X Factor, etc. As if music wasn't manufactured enough. 'Nuff said.

-Self-pitying rock music. Don't get me wrong, I love me some crybaby music when I'm feeling down or pissed off about something. A few bands are excused from this because their music is just that good. But, for the most part, the whining and crying about how much your life sucks is just getting old.

-People blaming music for suicide. We've heard it too many times. A kid killed himself while listening to "Suicide Solution" by Ozzy Osbourne. A kid killed himself while listening to a recording of himself singing "Outside" by Staind. Some kid killed him/herself while listening to "Hold On" by Good Charlotte. But guess what. It wasn't Ozzy's fault a kid killed himself. It wasn't Staind's fault a kid killed himself. It wasn't GC's fault a kid killed themselves. It's the kid's fault. So lay off.

-MTV. Back in the day, MTV, or so I've heard, kicked ass. (I wasn't around when MTV first came out, hence, "so I've heard.") It was pretty much nothing but music, which was great. It was a first. Then they realized that they were so big, so powerful, and had such a fanbase that they didn't even need to play music anymore - enter Cribs, Real World, The Hills, True Life; exit all music, all the time. Video really did kill the radio star.

-The age of 27 - an age where too many were taken before their time. Robert Johnson, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison - and of course, Kurt Cobain.

-Late 1990s crappy pop music. OK, 10-year-old little girls need SOMETHING to listen to when they get their heart broken for the first time, and there WAS a time when I did listen to this shit. But you know the "formula" - get together five semi-good-looking guys, train them to do repeated pelvic thrusts in front of pre-pubescent girls and sing quite possibly the worst love songs imagineable and tada, the shittiest music imagineable on the planet.

-The whistle register. Holy shit, how much more screaming do I have to endure? I'm not talking about a singer who maybe ONCE on every album throws in a super-high note. That's OK, and I like it...and I'm not gonna lie, I like to use it too. I'm talking about - yeah, you guessed it, MARIAH CAREY. OK, I'll give this to the woman - she's got a voice. But try to listen to "Bliss" (she repeatedly sings the phrase "On and on and on and on and on..." in notes ranging from about F6 to B6) or "Emotions" (where she attacks you with a SHITLOAD of C, D, and E7s) and trust me, you WILL get a headache, and you will get it QUICK.

-While we're on the topic of the whistle register - Georgia Brown. This woman has two major offenses to her name in my book. 1) Trying to claim a G10 when any idiot knows the average human can't hear the 10th octave, so that's pretty much impossible to prove (I don't care what Guiness says), and 2) bad hair-dye jobs with the roots showing. Being able to sing a whole song in whistle without detuning doesn't make you a great singer. In fact, that flaming red hair with the roots showing is offense enough for me to not like you. Do they not have root touch-ups in Brazil? But back to the topic at hand. Yes, you are a nice whistler, but anything you sing below C6 pretty much sounds like shit. I'm not even kidding. Shakira was once told she sounds like a goat - but Georgia definitely takes that cake.

-Whitney Houston's crack addiction. Seriously, crack destroyed one of the best vocalists I ever heard. Not to mention that she sang the National Anthem better than anyone ever has and probably ever will.

-OK, this one appeared on Blender's list, but I REALLY did have it in mind BEFORE I read the list: THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER. Don't get me wrong, I'm patriotic, I love my country, all that jazz - and I truly only have ONE beef with our National Anthem - IT'S SO DAMN HARD TO SING. To sing "The Star-Spangled Banner," one must have a vocal range of at least 2 to 2.5 octaves. The average person who doesn't sing (and no, singing along to Britney Spears in the car DOES NOT count) typically only has a range of about 1.5 to 2 octaves. Hence, if you're not Whitney Houston, Brian McKnight, Myles Kennedy, Christina Aguilera, or Mariah Carey, you're most likely going to SUCK BALLS at singing this song. So you know, hats off to the 1931 U.S. Congress for picking out a song that roughly 90% of the American public isn't able to sing for shit.